Sattlin doon tae steer the fine hotterin porritch - March 7, 2005
Author(s): Robbie Shepherd
Copyright holder(s): Robbie Shepherd
I lookit up an said: "Ye maun try ma new recipe for porritch," bit es jist brocht a grunt that meant she jist wisna afa keen tae be a guinea-pig at at time o the mornin an, fit's mair, I tak ma life in ma hauns taakin up residence in her domain - her kitchen, jist is it's my coal fire.
The idea wis brocht on bi the sad news a wikk or twa back o the death o Duncan Hilditch, o Portsoy, fa's porritch-maakin skills won him the World Championship Golden Spurtle trophy a fower times afore he wis made a judge tae haud him awa fae winnin near ilka eer.
I'm damnt sure I read somewye that he plunkit a drappie o honey inta the mixter, jist tae mak it at bit special.
"Gyad sakes," wis the wither't response as the wife steed ower the toaster, still ignorin that second platefu wytin tae be snappit up.
Oot she cam wi a packet o MacDonald's The Oatmeal of Alford an pyntit tae the recipe at the back.
"Noo, that's foo yer mither maaks it," indicatin that it's saut an waater tae start wi, bringin it tae the bile an syne sprinkle in the oatmeal, steerin aa the time an let the porritch simmer for a five meenits or it swalls.
Damn the lenth. I hae my ain wye.
TAE mak porritch for twa I pit three heapit speenfu's o oatmeal in the pan, a tickie o saut an in aneth the caul water tap jist tae cover the contents, steerin awa tae save the knots.
Syne in goes the bilin waater an on tae the cooker steerin aa the time.
Bit es time, for that special tasty dish, I runkit oot the jar o honey. Noo dinna leet dab tae a sowel, bit it's jist as weel's Esma delay't her entrance tae her bonnie kitchen, for I pit in the honey alang wi the bilin waater an wis sattlin doon tae steer at the cooker.
I cwidna see the oatmeal hotterin, as in Charles Murray's poem. Richt ower the tap o the pan cam a bubblin het fite spray as tho Vesuvius hid eruptit.
Siccan a sotter wis aathing in, bit ach I got it queel't doon again, porritch saved, bit a soss tae clean up.
I canna myn reading as tae fan the honey wis addit.
AH WEEL, there goes my chunce o Ready, Steady, Cook, tho I see my prospects were fadin onywye as the BBC is cutting doon on sic programmes an even in gairdenin - Charlie Dimmock's assets are tae be happit awa for good.
Nivver myn, I can aye jine Jamie Oliver on's Hungry for Success programme tae improve skweel meals.
He hit the nail on the heid bi sayin the success is aa doon tae the denner ladies that hae a passion for fresh food. Ay, even the rural primary skweels are weel serv't nooadays. Stannin ower my hotterin porritch, I thocht back tae ma days at Dunecht Skweel, wi Eedie Bonner arrivin at the same time as us bairns on a caul winter mornin, an richt inta an oothoose attached tae the skweel tae licht the fire aneth the muckle biler tae mak a plate o soup for the dinner.
Syne there wis the cocoa an a chunk o cheese. We were mair than ready for't.
BIT back tae the meal, an aul farrant names come tae myn o Murly Tams, Pizzers - an a query I got nae that lang syne fae ma gweed freen Jim McDonald, o Wartle, speirin as tae fit Stoorum wis.
Weel, some like the maakin o ma porritch, it's a kyn o gruel far ye hae yer oatmeal wi bilin waater poor't ower't, the sediment alloo't tae sink an the liquid drunk as het's possible, addin a suppie o milk or saut - bit better still, ma honey and fusky.
It wis suppos't tae be gweed for ye last thing afore ye gaed tae bed.
Finally, anent a column a twa wikk syne on pittin yer fit in't fin tryin tae spikk pan loaf, Cathie Imlach, o Oldmeldrum, kent o a lass on tryin tae be posh an translate "a hame ower quine" said "a home over girl". Losh be here.
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Sattlin doon tae steer the fine hotterin porritch - March 7, 2005. 2023. In The Scottish Corpus of Texts & Speech. Glasgow: University of Glasgow. Retrieved 7 December 2023, from http://www.scottishcorpus.ac.uk/document/?documentid=1032.
"Sattlin doon tae steer the fine hotterin porritch - March 7, 2005." The Scottish Corpus of Texts & Speech. Glasgow: University of Glasgow, 2023. Web. 7 December 2023. http://www.scottishcorpus.ac.uk/document/?documentid=1032.
The Scottish Corpus of Texts & Speech, s.v., "Sattlin doon tae steer the fine hotterin porritch - March 7, 2005," accessed 7 December 2023, http://www.scottishcorpus.ac.uk/document/?documentid=1032.
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