Document 759

Tetchie Auld-timer

Author(s): John Henderson

Copyright holder(s): John Henderson


Ma hurdies they’re aye achin.
Ma big tae’s goat the goot.
Ma hearin’s nae sae guid they days.
Cam claise … ‘Nae need tae shoot’!

Ma neck gits stiff syne i ma’ kip.
Nae pillows mak it richt.
Ah’ve tried yon rubber collars tae,
But canna staun’em ticht!

Ma sense o guff’s jist ribbish.
Ma taste buds they’re aye dry.
Nae pleesure ony mair fer me,
In ma butcher’s mutton pie!

Ma sicht it’s failin by the hoor.
The tellie’s oot o focus.
Physeeshun says its glaucoma,
Oar sim sich hokus-pokus!

Syne warst o a, ma back’s aye sair.
Each step a tak gies gyp.
Nae wunner thit ma kimmer says,
“Ye’re ready fer the skip!”

A soond an affa scunner me,
Fair hypochondriacal.
Bit niver mynd a aye can eese,
Ma wee bit ‘block-an-tackle’!

This work is protected by copyright. All rights reserved.

The SCOTS Project and the University of Glasgow do not necessarily endorse, support or recommend the views expressed in this document.


Cite this Document

APA Style:

Tetchie Auld-timer. 2024. In The Scottish Corpus of Texts & Speech. Glasgow: University of Glasgow. Retrieved 25 July 2024, from

MLA Style:

"Tetchie Auld-timer." The Scottish Corpus of Texts & Speech. Glasgow: University of Glasgow, 2024. Web. 25 July 2024.

Chicago Style

The Scottish Corpus of Texts & Speech, s.v., "Tetchie Auld-timer," accessed 25 July 2024,

If your style guide prefers a single bibliography entry for this resource, we recommend:

The Scottish Corpus of Texts & Speech. 2024. Glasgow: University of Glasgow.


Information about Document 759

Tetchie Auld-timer


Text audience

Adults (18+)
Other Knew some recipients of text.
Audience size 1000+
Writer knew intended audience

Text details

Method of composition Wordprocessed
Word count 149

Text medium

Web (webpages, discussion boards, newsgroups, chat rooms)

Text publication details

Publisher Electric Scotland
Publication year 2004
Place of publication
Part of a longer series of texts
Name of series Doggerels and other poems

Text setting


Text type



Author details

Author id 782
Forenames John
Surname Henderson
Gender Male
Decade of birth 1930
Educational attainment University
Age left school 18
Upbringing/religious beliefs Protestantism
Occupation University Lecturer (retired)
Place of birth Causewayhead
Region of birth Stirling
Birthplace CSD dialect area Stlg
Country of birth Scotland
Place of residence Emba
Region of residence Paphos
Country of residence Cyprus
Father's occupation Headteacher
Father's place of birth Dunblane
Father's region of birth E & SE Perthshire
Father's birthplace CSD dialect area Per
Father's country of birth Scotland
Mother's occupation Teacher
Mother's place of birth Falkirk
Mother's region of birth Stirling
Mother's birthplace CSD dialect area Stlg
Mother's country of birth Scotland


Language Speak Read Write Understand Circumstances
English Yes Yes Yes Yes Everywhere
Scots Yes Yes Yes Yes Where required