Document 1378

Conversation 31: Male from Glasgow and female from Scottish Borders

Author(s): N/A

Copyright holder(s): SCOTS Project

This document contains strong or offensive language

Audio transcription

F943 So [CENSORED: forename], [laugh].
M944 What questions, what questions have always been at the back of your mind that you wanted to say but [CENSORED: forename]'s always been present? //[laugh]//
F943 //I don't know. Well, here, here's a decent enough question for you, [CENSORED: forename]. How do they build bridges?// //I honestly don't know.//
M944 //Mm er.// Bridges?
F943 Yeah.
M944 Well they use wood.
F943 Well, no, //cause i-//
M944 //[laugh]// //[laugh]//
F943 //We we talked// about normal bridges and we figured you know you could just have loads of people standing on each others' shoulders as scaffolding before scaffolding was in fact invented, but then what about, like, the Forth Road Bridge? //How did they, how on earth?//
M944 //Is this for the// tape, or do you seriously //mean it?//
F943 //No, I seriously mean it.// [laugh] Cause you know, how do they get the things down to the bottom of the sea? //Without squashing//
M944 //Well,//
F943 people, in their scuba-diving suits?
M944 Well they they make foundations first,
F943 How? Concrete doesn't set underwater.
M944 No, but they make sure the concrete's hardened first, and then they settle it down, and from there it kind of becomes a bridge. And, oh, and and the Chinese were the first to apparently make the kind of bridge that, you know how you put, slot, slot, slot, slot, and one in the middle.
F943 Mmhm
M944 So it like kind of [?]tension[/?] //[?]against it[/?]//
F943 //Yeah.//
M944 So there you go. //[laugh]//
F943 //Oh! [laugh]// //[laugh] Why do you//
M944 //I don't know anything else about bloody bridges! [inhale]//
F943 know so much about bridges anyway? //You're the first person that's been able to give me any//
M944 //[cough]// //[laugh]//
F943 //answers on that.//
M944 [inhale] Oh, I think I'm forced to think of something, cause we're being recorded, otherwise I would have looked at you and said "tard", and walked out of the room. //[laugh]//
F943 //[laugh]// You wouldn't. I was the first person to show you the wonders of the "nedagotchi". //[laugh]//
M944 //[laugh] nedagotchi?//
F943 Do you not remember, nedagotchi?
M944 What's the, like a //tamagotchi?//
F943 //It was like a ned// but it's like a little, it it floats and you make it talk to you.
M944 You never //[inaudible]//
F943 //I did.//
M944 I've never seen that.
F943 I definitely did. It was the same day that we looked up the [laugh] world's largest penis.
M944 I was not //there!//
F943 //You were, that was the// //first time I met you! [laugh]//
M944 //Why would I want to look at the world's largest penis? Think about it!// //It'll just make me feel inadequate.//
F943 //Cause you didn't believe it.//
M944 Eh?
F943 You didn't believe it; you were like "Na, na, n-, na, no-one's got one that long!" //[laugh]//
M944 //Was there a picture of it?//
F943 There was.
M944 I'm so tempted to check right now. //But hundreds of porn sites will//
F943 //You, [inaudible].// //Clicking//
M944 //come up.//
F943 noises, [CENSORED: forename].
M944 I know what it was, it was the guy called "Long Dong Silver".
F943 That's it.
M944 And it was fake; i- they proved it. The guy needed a cast. I- it was it was and the women even said that they were in on it. So I can rest easy now. //[laugh]//
F943 //[laugh]// //What?//
M944 //[laugh]// [laugh] //[laugh]//
F943 //[laugh]// You worry me, [CENSORED: forename]. You strange boy.
M944 Ah, and and, yeah, your hair looks very nice.
F943 Thank you. [laugh] It was pink. It washed out. //An kinda went//
M944 //It actually looks// like it's meant to be like that.
F943 It went ginger. //And I just//
M944 //Mm?//
F943 couldn't bring myself to leave the house //ginger, so I//
M944 //Hm//
F943 sent my friends to the chemist to get me new hair dye and dyed it purple.
M944 And, when did, who done [CENSORED: forename]'s? The
F943 She did.
M944 Yeah? Oh she, oh that's //right, she always does it. Mm?//
F943 //I did this at home, before I came here.//
M944 Sh- I was totally going to say she effed up, but yeah, that's allowed. //[inhale]//
F943 //[tut]// //Are you gonna, she's gonna listen to this, you know?//
M944 //[laugh] I was gonna, [laugh]// I don't care. I told her anyway. She screwed up ma one. Well, she didn't screw it up; she done it right, but it was barely kind of noticeable, and I fried my scalp for an hour.
F943 [laugh] //[laugh]//
M944 //And it ha- really never had an effect.//
F943 I told one of the boys in my corridor whose got like kinna strawberry blonde hair that it wasn't permanent, and dyed all the tips of his hair pink.
M944 An, it was?
F943 It was, it was a bright Barbie-pink.
M944 Well I suppose he could just cut it though. //And he'll have the last laugh.//
F943 //Well no, cause he loves his hair.// He's very, you know, he won't shower for three days, but he'll still fix his hair before he goes out.
M944 Did [CENSORED: forename] show you the earrings that I got her?
F943 No.
M944 No!
F943 No.
M944 Cra- aw! There they are.
F943 Which ones?
M944 I can't move. [laugh]
F943 [laugh] //[laugh]//
M944 //[laugh]// //[laugh]//
F943 //[laugh]// //[laugh]//
M944 //Those ones!// //[laugh] I'm afraid to stand//
F943 //[laugh]// //[laugh] That was a very nice//
M944 //up. I can't. These ones.// //[laugh]//
F943 //little dance. [laugh]// //[laugh]//
M944 //[laugh] I feel like a [inaudible]// //[laugh]//
F943 //[laugh]// [laugh] Very tasteful. But yes, very nice earrings nonetheless. And I very much liked the card.
M944 Oh yeah! //I forgot about that. Yeah.//
F943 //It's in the living room.//
M944 That took bloody //ages.//
F943 //I couldn't// find a mate card.
M944 It took ages finding one, that's the problem. I'm gonna, do you know what?
F943 What?
M944 Move up, because I'm gonna sit here, cause that's too uncomfortable. Rrr
F943 Ow [throat] So?
M944 That's five minutes. //We've covered bridges,//
F943 //[laugh]// //Bridges. [laugh]//
M944 //[laugh]//
F943 A tiny dance. Earrings.
M944 Your hair.
F943 My hair, your hair, my friend's hair, [CENSORED: forename]'s hair. [inhale] [exhale] [laugh] Erm How was [laugh] your day, [CENSORED: forename]?
M944 This sucks. We're gonna have to say something normal.
F943 Something normal?
M944 Because it, aye, //so.//
F943 //Have a intellectual conversation?// //About?//
M944 //About.//
F943 Christian ethics. //[laugh]//
M944 //[laugh] What// if the person listening to this is a Christian? //[laugh]//
F943 //[laugh]// Then we'll talk about Christian ethics and sexuality.
M944 No. I think that'll be [?]tripping[/?] to, kind of like stuff you can't talk about, she said.
F943 Ah, I suppose. //Apart from the fact that my lecturer//
M944 //[inhale] What// the hell [?]like a key[/?] is in your hand? Show me your phone. Oh, no sound effects. //[laugh]//
F943 //[laugh] Said to turn them off.//
M944 Put it on silent.
F943 No, cause it makes this really horrible "Ding-di-di-ding-ding" noise when it opens, and
M944 And that'll just ruin the //research, yeah, right.//
F943 //It will.// Bye. Reset Jesus.
M944 What what one's this? This is the one //[?]at the front[/?].//
F943 //It's great. It's// got erm a two mega-pixel camera in it. Erm, a flash, which you can use as a torch, an MP3 player, ehm, a video player, a video recorder, a voice recorder and a dictophone.
M944 Ma one's just crap.
F943 An I can plug it into a TV and play my videos through the TV.
M944 I know what phone this is now. It's on, it's aw! Och, it's on TV, basically. [laugh] //[laugh]//
F943 //It's like brand new; it's great.// It only came out like three weeks ago.
M944 I'm gonna need something new. Do you know how much it cost though?
F943 It cost me nothing.
M944 Yeah, but, like, the
F943 It's like two hundred and fifty pounds.
M944 And was it with a contract though?
F943 Yeah.
M944 It was?
F943 It was free with the contract.
M944 What have you got though? Is it pay as you go? No, it's a contract cause it's through [CENSORED: forename]'s. But
F943 Yeah.
M944 The, ah, what was I going to say again? The actual monthly amount. What do you get //it for?//
F943 //Twenty-five// pounds, and I get a thousand free text messages and a hundred and twenty free minutes.
M944 Oh shi-, oop. [laugh] //[laugh]//
F943 //[laugh]// No, she said, she said swearing was allowed as long as it wasn't forced.
M944 Ah, and that was totally unintentional. //[laugh] No, but. But anyway, or,//
F943 //[laugh]//
M944 it makes sense now. Cause I got an email for about a hundred pound off your next bill, and [CENSORED: forename] kept saying "Get it, take it, take it", but the catch was you were tied in for another contract for another year. //And I told [CENSORED: forename], 02//
F943 //Aw, right.//
M944 are crap for deals.
F943 I'm tied in for a year, and that's it.
M944 Well you can get new ones that can get you six months off, so I'm thinking of going for that.
F943 Mm they're great. Let's take a photo of you, [CENSORED: forename].
M944 No! //[laugh] No.//
F943 //[laugh]// //Why? Are you not pretty enough yet?//
M944 //[laugh]// //[laugh]//
F943 //[laugh]// //Well it's true. Every time anyone tries to//
M944 //[laugh] I hate phones.// //No, do you know why? [laugh] No, no. No, no, no. Listen!//
F943 //take a picture of you, it's like "No, no, no, wait till I take my glasses off!" [laugh]//
M944 The reason is is because you've gotta sit there for, no-one every takes a phone quick, a picture quickly. //They hold it there//
F943 //But I can cause it's got// //a camera. [laugh]//
M944 //they hold it there and they just look for ages, and you've gotta stand there and grin like an idiot.// //And I don't like grinning like an idiot.//
F943 //Hold on then; we'll stick [inaudible]// //[laugh]//
M944 //[laugh]// //See I'm grinning like an idiot! [laugh] It's li- [laugh]//
F943 //[?]It's gone[/?]// //[laugh]//
M944 //[laugh]// //[laugh] Wait! Let me drop the idiot look.//
F943 //[laugh]//
M944 And then then I can, then I'll take //the picture. [laugh]//
F943 //Okay, drop the idiot look.//
M944 Wait! It takes concentration. [laugh] //[laugh] I mean it.//
F943 //[laugh]// //[laugh]//
M944 //Wait, wait, wait, wait.// //Okay.//
F943 //I'm I'm w- I'm waiting, I'll//
M944 Oh wait, keep it ready. That's me. The idiot's gone. [laugh] //[inhale] You can take it now.//
F943 //[laugh]// [laugh][camera click]
M944 [?]Try again.[/?] [laugh]
F943 [laugh]
M944 [laugh] No.
F943 [laugh] //[Tut] Aw, it went blurry.//
M944 //Okay.// Eh?
F943 It went blurry.
M944 Okay. I can only do it with a straight face. That's it.
F943 Mm, stick you the right way round. //[laugh]//
M944 //[laugh] Stop it!//
F943 Aw it was a good one.
M944 That's alright. //[laugh]//
F943 //[laugh] That'll tha- that'll do.// //If I had hair I would flick it at you.//
M944 //[groan]// Och, bollocks. [throat] It's actually grown quite a bit.
F943 What?
M944 Has it grow-, it's grown quite a bit. //Have you had it//
F943 //I know.//
M944 cut again? Like to neaten it? //[?]A rinse out[/?]//
F943 //Uh-huh//
M944 I thought so. //Cause//
F943 //I have to have it cut like every two// //weeks, I mean it//
M944 //that's what I mean, no it's// //cause//
F943 //But I'm getting a bit of a mullet now.//
M944 No, no, it actually works, because see see when you get it cut again like that, //it's it's neatened//
F943 //Mmhm//
M944 it up, so it actually looks like a really expensive haircut now, so. //That's quite good.//
F943 //Good stuff!// //I'm growing it back in.//
M944 //But.// Mm?
F943 I'm growing it back in.
M944 Is your mum happy [laugh] with it, cause she goes mad? //Like when she//
F943 //No.//
M944 dyes her hair.
F943 No. See, since I've left home, my parents have suddenly become overwhelmed with this sense of calm.
M944 [laugh] Yeah, right! //[inaudible]//
F943 //No, really.//
M944 Yeah?
F943 My Dad, like, I changed contract and phone provider, erm, and spent five hundred pounds in the first three weeks of University. //Erm//
M944 //Right.//
F943 And then told my Dad, and he was like, "Oh, good".
M944 He didn't care?
F943 No. He didn't even, he //didn't even shout.//
M944 //Well five hundred pound// is not that much, for, your first three weeks.
F943 Yeah but I //I have now//
M944 //You've gotta get settled in.//
F943 when I work out my budget, I have erm like, [sniff] thirty pounds a week, until January.
M944 Wait a moment.
F943 And that's to buy me food, //and//
M944 //That's insane. I spend that like in two days.// //Easy.//
F943 //that's like// to buy me food and pay for my phone contract. [laugh]
M944 You know what, I feel so guilty cause I'm totally goin go-karting, and it's gonna cost fifty quid and it's a day of joy //[laugh] for fifty pound!//
F943 //I- it doesn't, it's not slowing me down any, I'm// still spending just as much as I used to. I'm just going to have to get a job.
M944 And they, but your parents are the ones that are givin you thirty pound a week?
F943 No, that's, I've got, erm, my Student Loan in one account and a standing order from each account of my budget every week.
M944 Mm
F943 But I just don't take my budget card out, and just spend all the money from the student //loan account.//
M944 //That means you can't even go out or anything.//
F943 Yes it does.
M944 Mm?
F943 Strongbow is on offer just now. //[laugh]//
M944 //Do you know what you should do?// Oh no, [CENSORED: forename] wouldn't do that. I was goin to say, me and [CENSORED: forename] or [CENSORED: forename] even, just jump up to Stirling, and we should just go out, because you're not gonna get much, you're not gonna be able to go out.
F943 Well, come up, any time you want, an on- //only on a weekend//
M944 //I don't//
F943 though cause I have to sign you in to people's rooms an
M944 Oh shit, that's, no we don't need to stay overnight. Oh crap you would have to, wouldn't you? //[laugh]//
F943 //[laugh] I would- I wouldn't expect// you guys to come home, you know, sober enough. [laugh]
M944 Cause I just drive them up an drive them back. That actually would be a good weekend. //I've never been out in//
F943 //You can//
M944 flashy Stirling before.
F943 Oh, it's bollocks.
M944 No, I was gonna go there on Sunday cause there was like a a weekend kind of racing event happened there.
F943 Yeah, we were gonna go to that.
M944 How do you know th-, how did you know about that?
F943 Cause, cause people in, you know, the University all, you know, own cars. //[laugh]//
M944 //[laugh] Yeah. But they have to be half decent.//
F943 Students in cars, you know, and I admittedly live in the wo- the second worst halls in the campus, mines are still pretty nice, and people who stay in AKD are spending like pff two hundred pounds a week to stay in their halls and they have all got mummy and //daddy's flashy cars.//
M944 //Two hundred a week?//
F943 Yeah, they've all got en-suite. //An washing machines.//
M944 //That's all// Each? But that's not that big a deal. //And it's two hundred quid.//
F943 //It is, I have bare breeze-block walls.//
M944 Really?
F943 Yeah.
M944 So it feels like a jail cell?
F943 It is a jail cell. It's about the size of [CENSORED: forename]'s bathroom.
M944 But all halls are roughly the same. They all have that same, it's a room not much bigger than this actually. Come to think of it. //But with a much//
F943 //What?// My room wa- my room's nothing even compared to this.
M944 It's bigger.
F943 Smaller. Lots lots smaller.
M944 So it's half
F943 It's like from that wall to like the edge of like, //the thing, chest of drawers.//
M944 //Do you have a window?//
F943 Yes.
M944 That's okay, [laugh], //[laugh]//
F943 //[laugh] Do you have a window!// //An no it doesn't have bars in it.//
M944 //[laugh]// [laugh] I was gonna s- [laugh] I'm not tryin to say that, [laugh] //[laugh] but//
F943 //[laugh]// //Yes, I have a window! I do actually pay to live there.//
M944 //But [laugh]// [inhale] I just thought they might have given you the basement. //[laugh] Sounds like it.//
F943 //[laugh] [phone rings]//
M944 [laugh] //That's gonna be her, I guarantee, Oh good, [?]I'll take what she says[/?].//
F943 //[phone rings]//
M944 Oh shit. I forgot. I was meant to be tellin ma mate I'm comin over.
F943 [laugh]
M944 Cause I've kinda double booked. //[laugh] I've told you//
F943 //[laugh] What are you double booked for now?//
M944 the life of a bum. Hones- see havin to plan your day, to do nothin. Or //like//
F943 //Oh I know, I know.// I know, it's //[?]fuckin[/?] horrible.//
M944 //And you give time slots,// [laugh] it's, but the thing is ehm I'm not sure if er I should go over here.
F943 Well what are your choices for tonight?
M944 Sort that thing out with
F943 Psycho.
M944 [laugh] //She's actually, she's//
F943 //Psycho-crazed love girl.//
M944 not a psycho. I- it's it's understandable because I've basically, it's been a relationship in anything, every way apart from we haven't spoke-, we haven't said it, we haven't said we're boyfriend and girlfriend.
F943 So effectively you're ju- //you just, you know.//
M944 //We do go out, we do all that.// Er, but, it's kinna been on the side. I- it's not been like a daily //thing.//
F943 //Yeah, it's not// been a fixed //thing.//
M944 //Yeah, because// when we went out to Bamboo it became like a pulling competition between her and me, like with other people. //I won.//
F943 //Uh-huh// //Of c- [laugh] of course, [CENSORED: forename]!//
M944 //[laugh] I beat her! [laugh]// I swear. And I told her it was a lot bloody harder, do you know why, there was a hell of lot of medical students in there that night and they're buying, cause th- there's no like [inaudible] girls kind of girls or anythin like that. And they were all like chattin away. Bought me drinks, all sorts, and it was it was great, an she's got these [?]darty[/?], arsey, kind of guys comin up to her, and I was like laughin. And I was like kind of walking away, and this is what was annoying: she realised that I didn't give a shit //when I was ta-, when I was doin it.//
F943 //Uh-huh//
M944 So she'd basically tell me "Where are you going?" to me. I'm like "Well, I'm gonna leave you to it." Then the guy's like lookin, thinkin "What the hell's goin on here?" You know, it's some kind of sordid love triangle they're //tryin to get me into!//
F943 //[laugh]// //[laugh]//
M944 //So I looked at the guy and I said, [laugh] I shouldn't have said this, but I said like "It's alright, she's just ma mate, you can [?]bat a round[/?]."// //[laugh]//
F943 //[laugh]//
M944 And I walked off, and they guy was like "What?" like that, and I was like laughing. And then she grabbed me and, like, she kept walking me, I said "Look". She's basically tryin to get me jealous and I wasn't caring. //And//
F943 //Mmhm//
M944 but she was gettin jealous with me when I was walkin off with any other girl. But erm so it's it's it's obvious we're not goin out, if you //know what I mean.//
F943 //Mmhm//
M944 Cause relationships don't, you know, //work like that;//
F943 //No.//
M944 [laugh] you don't, you don't kind of do that kind of thing. //So.//
F943 //Ah well// consider yourself lucky that you only have a semi-relationship.
M944 Yeah, but //that's the way I wanted it.//
F943 //Boyfriends suck.//
M944 No, no, no th- that's the way I wanted it, because it's the only way that'll work, because, honestly, in my opinion, you cannot have a long relationship in anywhere between the ages of eighteen to twenty-four.
F943 I I I would, I have to agree now that I've moved away from home and left my boyfriend two hundred miles away.
M944 Oh you can't do long distance //either.//
F943 //Oh God no!// //[laugh]//
M944 //[laugh]// It doesn't work. //so.//
F943 //It just is// just the joyous decision on how to, you know, discuss it with him.
M944 It's the same thing with er [CENSORED: forename]. She has a boyfriend back in Germany.
F943 Mmhm
M944 And she was, she's in the same halls as [CENSORED: forename]. That's how I got to know her. She totally cheated on her boyfriend with me. And it's like, it didn't make it a difference. She even said a- night before, I said "Oh where are you off to right now" when I was like visiting [CENSORED: forename] and she said "I'm off to phone my boyfriend" and all that, it's, she's probably still phoning him and it's like you c- I wouldn't really, I wouldn't, I wouldn't
F943 There's a girl in our hall like that. She's from Luxembourg. But she says she's Dutch; she's a pain in the arse. But nonetheless. Her boyfriend is still back in Luxembourg.
M944 Uh-huh
F943 And she's shaggin everything she can see.
M944 Really? //Bu- but.//
F943 //And and phoning him and being like "Oh I miss you!" and//
M944 [laugh] Have you not called her a slut?
F943 Yes.
M944 And yo-, aw right, is she //You like [laugh]//
F943 //And ha, there's a guy that lives across the// hall from me and he's like my adopted best friend. //He's actually,//
M944 //He's just trying to get into your pants.// //[laugh] He has? Ah, there you go.//
F943 //he's very funny. And he's tried, and I've told him categorically, I've// told him categorically like six times just to fuck off, and he's got a girlfriend who's just turned sixteen; he's nearly nineteen. //Mm, anyway.//
M944 //That's wrong.// //[laugh]//
F943 //Since he's been at University, since he's been at// University, he's successfully shagged twenty-seven girls.
M944 In that place?
F943 Yes.
M944 You see? //Don't trust.//
F943 //[laugh] That's just like,// every time like this girl would come to his door, I would just be like "Oh, good morning, and you would be So-", and I'd go to say like "Sophie" or something and she would just be like "No, my name's Mel." Oh
M944 It's like, that's, ah, that's what I'm talking about. //[?]Then you think[/?]//
F943 //My best// friend came to visit me, and I haven't seen her in like five months and I saw her, like, she was over for the whole weekend from Friday till Sunday evening
M944 Mmhm
F943 and I saw her for a grand total of two hours. The rest of the time she was shagging that boy.
M944 She?
F943 Yes.
M944 With that guy as well?
F943 Yes. //And he's//
M944 //[?]And[/?]//
F943 gone, he's gone back home for a mid-semester break, and she goes to college //where he lives,//
M944 //Uh-huh//
F943 and his girlfriend asked him to come out last night, and he blew her off to go and have sex with her.
M944 Well it's it's a good //choice.//
F943 //[laugh]// //[laugh]//
M944 //[laugh]// //[laugh] I respect the guy.//
F943 //[laugh]//
M944 But er
F943 "I respect the guy", that's disgraceful, //[CENSORED: forename].//
M944 //Oh no no.// I wouldn't s- put it that way. The only, ma only concern would be eh, see there was one guy, I nearly called you your name, ages ago and he used to go to Glasgow Uni in the halls as well, and he had like a chart of all his mates, kind of worrying, cause like serial killer kind of chart, of all their faces.
F943 Oh
M944 [inaudible] and I was like aw right. Naw, he was cool though. //eh, he was just like//
F943 //[laugh]//
M944 he had everyone's face up there and erm, it was kinda like, you know how you get an outbreak, and eh, it's like, the chart and or- the originator kind of person that's caused the disease? //Well it was like that.//
F943 //Yeah.//
M944 Said "This is herpes girl", and I looked at her and she was quite nice, and I was like "You're kidding? She's got a r-", and he was like "Yep". He said "She shagged him, [laugh] he shagged her, she shagged him", and it was like a criss-cross,
F943 [laugh]
M944 and he said "Now, all of this corner have herpes, through this girl." //[laugh] I was like//
F943 //[laugh]// //Oh my God!//
M944 //[laugh] Brilliant!// //[laugh] And it was [laugh]//
F943 //[laugh] That's riveting.//
M944 and and, see that's what I'm talkin about, that's what would always put me off like kinna going on a total rampa-, I'm, although now I've done it. //I don't think I've got herpes.//
F943 //[laugh]// //[laugh] I think I think you can generally avoid getting herpes by being generally quite safe about the entire situations.//
M944 //[laugh]// //Yeah, you do, but.//
F943 //Mm//
M944 Oh, you know, like see any kind of oral contact can make you catch //herpes too.//
F943 //I know.//
M944 So that's what I'm talkin about.
F943 I know.
M944 And I like a bit of //[inaudible].//
F943 //[laugh]// //[laugh]//
M944 //[laugh] Well I had to say it!// //Y- just in case you weren't sure.//
F943 //[laugh] Young ears! Young ears!// //Oh! [laugh]//
M944 //Be quiet. I'm sure you've done it. Now listen. [laugh]// Listen!
F943 My sister has to listen to this!
M944 No she doesn't. Why would she want to listen to this?
F943 That's a good point.
M944 Mm, wait a moment. It's us. //She probably will.//
F943 //She will listen to it.// //[laugh]//
M944 //[laugh]//
F943 Woops!
M944 Oh that's bullshit, but the thing is erm that's the mai- that's the main reason why I wouldn't. Cause that just sucks without that. //Literally, yes. [laugh]//
F943 //[inaudible] [laugh]//
M944 [laugh] //[laugh]//
F943 //[laugh]//
M944 It does it- it's crap without it. That's the more appropriate word.
F943 [laugh] //[laugh]//
M944 //[laugh]// But that's that's that's that's it, so no no kind of rampage for me. I I don't want to walk in and have a big fat bli-. I've always waited for her to walk in one day with a big fat blister and cold sore. It's never bloody happened. The amount of action she's got. //[laugh]//
F943 //[laugh]//
M944 [laugh] //[laugh] Oh my God! I've realised. I could say so many things.//
F943 //[laugh] No! No! [laugh]//
M944 This is brilliant. And so many people will listen. //But yeah.//
F943 //[laugh] Could just realised I can say so many things//
M944 Yeah. //[laugh]//
F943 //the masses will hear. [laugh]// //[laugh]//
M944 //[laugh]// //[laugh] I'm not talkin about, I'm not talkin about [laugh]//
F943 //[CENSORED: forename] becomes an evil genius all of a sudden.//
M944 running the, you know, like doing a political speech here. What I mean is, you know, her. //[laugh]//
F943 //[laugh]// //[laugh]//
M944 //Say somethin about, say somethin about what she did.// //[laugh]//
F943 //About what, [laugh] what she did. [laugh]// //Er what did, what did she do next.//
M944 //What she did. [laugh]//
F943 Erm.
M944 Something bad, [inaudible] //[inaudible]//
F943 //Somethin bad she did.//
M944 Do you know what I've just realised? She, what did she say this was for? Somethin to do with accents, wasn't it?
F943 Yeah.
M944 Right, do you know how they, usually what they do is they have erm, like you know all this doing psychology, they tell people that this is a test to test a certain type of thing, //and it's//
F943 //Yeah, a//
M944 actually a cover? //For [inaudible] it's called something.//
F943 //Na, you're not you're not really allowed to do// that any more. //Cause//
M944 //How not?//
F943 you know, i- in like nineteen-fifties psychology you could stick, there was this classic experiment where they stuck //people in then they el-//
M944 //The electricity.//
F943 they electrocuted //loads of people.//
M944 //And they seen how// sadistic people //could be, but they were//
F943 //Yeah, and// //And they were like totally//
M944 //told them [laugh].//
F943 freakin out and like some of them were like cryin and had nervous breakdowns and stuff //afterwards.//
M944 //Yeah.//
F943 You would never be able to do that now.
M944 No no but that's kind of unethical because it's //people are breakin down.//
F943 //But na, cause// //then you're not allowed you're not allowed//
M944 //We're not gonna have a breakdown. [laugh]//
F943 to deceive people //in psychological tests any more.//
M944 //Ah//
F943 Cause that's //all ethical and stuff//
M944 //That's when they're// but they're most honest.
F943 And the only way you can deceive them is if you make them sign a consent form so that they will be in an experiment and then they accept that they might be deceived.
M944 But that's rubbish. That's like giving the game away.
F943 But exactly, you go- you have to do it now. You've got to have written consent for everything.
M944 I just thought about this. I was just trying to think what this //would be.//
F943 //[laugh] What// what co- what could she rope us into?
M944 [laugh]
F943 Mmhm
M944 No, I'm sure it's not-, nothing to do with that though.
F943 I don't think [CENSORED: forename]'s got the intellect to do that. Twenty-two minutes.
M944 [laugh] No, I'm not lookin at that. //[laugh]//
F943 //[laugh] Twenty-three minutes.// //[laugh]//
M944 //[laugh]// //[laugh] We should ha- for the next thirty seconds say "The time//
F943 //[laugh]// //[laugh]//
M944 //sponsored by Accurist",// //[laugh]//
F943 //[laugh]//
M944 and they'll love it! //[laugh]//
F943 //[laugh]// //Ah those little future freaks'll be sitting//
M944 //[laugh]// //[laugh]//
F943 //going [laugh]// "The time sponsored by //Accurist will be twenty-three//
M944 //No. But. [laugh]// //[laugh] I'll do the boops.//
F943 //thirty. Boop, boop, boop."//
M944 And you can talk. Naw, we //[inaudible]//
F943 //[laugh] What is that like our take on "retard", re-//
M944 That reminds me, Naw. "Tard". //No, but you see, do you know what I've also noticed "tard" can also be [laugh], "tard" can also be short for "bastard".//
F943 //[laugh] [laugh]// //That's true.//
M944 //[laugh]// [laugh] //[laugh] It wasn't a discovery.//
F943 //Aha! [laugh]// //[laugh]//
M944 //[laugh] It was just something I// //realised.//
F943 //Well no, cause if it's a// discovery then you can call her a "tard" and she'll think you're calling her "retard", but really you're one up cause you're calling her a "bastard".
M944 Yeah and that's not the offence. Being called a "retard"'s more offensive than being a "bastard". Cause I like wouldn't mind being called something that means you don't know who your dad was. //Right?//
F943 //Yeah.//
M944 But being called a "retard" questions your intelligence.
F943 That's true. //Cause at least, you know, "bastard"'s like a term. It's not your fault you're a bastard.//
M944 //[laugh] Yeah.// //And there's a lot o bastards//
F943 //But if you're a retard, I mean,// Jesus Christ.
M944 There's a lot of bastards that have got into high places.
F943 That's true.
M944 Look at Tony Blair. //You know he's a [inaudible]//
F943 //Mm//
M944 And there's there's many other people that are //bastards. George Bush.//
F943 //[laugh] Hundr-// //Hundreds of them!//
M944 //But, but// where has a retard got to a high place, //apart from George Bush?//
F943 //Mm// //I don't think he's//
M944 //But there's a [laugh]//
F943 retarded; I just think he's really really stupid. //Like, "retarded"//
M944 //But th-th-th- but!//
F943 "retarded" means like to some extent you do have to have considerable brain damage of sorts. As in, George Bush is fuckin stupid but it doesn't mean his brain's about to leak out his ear, but like //[CENSORED: forename] for example.//
M944 //"Stupid" "retard".// I suppose I know what you mean. //[laugh]//
F943 //[laugh]// //[laugh]//
M944 //The difference between "stupid" and "retard".// No, do you know what, I //acce-//
F943 //[laugh] I like, I like that analogy. The difference between "stupid" and "retard" is the difference between George Bush and [CENSORED: forename].// //[laugh]//
M944 //[laugh]// No but ye- [exhale], yeah, I would find ru- I would prefer "bastard". But then she'll just call us "retard" all over again.
F943 Aye and then she would come up with some other cruel way to damage you or d-d- scratch at you with her pterodactyl claws.
M944 Everyone, everyone she meets, well I've, just to me, she'll ruin the image. If it's a girl guaranteed she'll say, "This is [CENSORED: forename]. Watch out. He'll hit on you", and that's such bullshit. //And every- no no no I mean it. Everyone.//
F943 //Aw [laugh]//
M944 So they all laugh the minute they meet you, and if you say anything innocent, like "Oh, so how do you know [CENSORED: forename]?", it's like "The chat-up line!" //You know it's like "Haw haw haw, he's tryin to..."//
F943 //[laugh]//
M944 And I'm like, wh- what's goin on [CENSORED: forename], "Nothing, I just told them that you'll try to..." and I was like "You bitch".
F943 [laugh] //Consider yourself lucky;//
M944 //And it it//
F943 i- "this is like, this is my little sister", and then she stands in front of me and keeps talkin.
M944 Who?
F943 [CENSORED: forename].
M944 Little sister?
F943 She just calls me "little sister", stands in front of me and keeps talkin. //[laugh]//
M944 //No way!// She covers you, like she kind of like ho- //[laugh]//
F943 //[laugh]//
M944 From who?
F943 From everyone. First time I met [CENSORED: forename] she stood in front of me.
M944 Really? //Stands i-, like, it's like a thing she's always done?//
F943 //Yeah. Yeah.//
M944 She never stood in front of me when I first met you.
F943 Well that's probably cause I am her little sister and the only, like, line she could give me is "Beware, he hits on girls", bit. I'm big enough to look after myself. Cause I would kill you. //[laugh]//
M944 //Oh back then it was hit girls?// Was it back then was it "hit girls"?
F943 Hit on girls. //[laugh]//
M944 //Oh oh see what I'm talkin about? [laugh]//
F943 [laugh] //But she never gave me that//
M944 //[exhale]//
F943 cause, you know, I'm [CENSORED: forename]'s little sister, //I can kick booty.//
M944 //I don't ever hit, and she knows// I never ever ever hit on g-, ever, it's just not my thing. It is true, because it's, it just makes you like every other, eh, it's ju- you know every other [inaudible] does that kind of //thing and I I//
F943 //[laugh] Other f-//
M944 No no, it's true. Y- you just talk like normal human beings and that's it. An I I think she just gets annoyed. Because she sees all the retards that I end up going out //with. [laugh]. And she's just jealous.//
F943 //[laugh]// She's just jealous.
M944 Yes. You know, //I'll have you know, when we f- when we first met//
F943 //I I shall I shall make to tell her this. [laugh]//
M944 she probably fancied me. //[laugh] [inaudible] [laugh]//
F943 //[laugh]// //[laugh]//
M944 //An an I want the whole world to know that.// //An and and//
F943 //[laugh]//
M944 and I I s- //[inaudible] Yeah.//
F943 //Di- did we ever tell you [CENSORED: forename] fancied [CENSORED: forename]?//
M944 she's got, that's what it is. I'm telling you.
F943 What would you do if that was what it really was?
M944 Well, do you know, actually, //it wouldn't have happened. [laugh]//
F943 //[laugh]// //Conspiracy, conspiratory theory.//
M944 //[laugh] [inaudible]// actually we have covered that with her. Cause I told her I would politely decline. //[laugh]//
F943 //[tut] ah//
M944 [laugh] No, sh- it was it was actually funny how we first I I we can't even remember how we first actually, how we first got to know each other. There's like a good gap of three weeks.
F943 [laugh]
M944 [laugh] Maybe something happened and we blotted it out of our memory. [laugh] //But [laugh] I-//
F943 //Who knows? I- it could have been the influence of something.//
M944 No, I don't know what, but Eh she, even [CENSORED: forename], I totally forgot. I didn't know who [CENSORED: forename] was. She told me about a year back, "Oh, [CENSORED: forename] is coming round. Do you remember? You know [CENSORED: forename]?" and I went "No". Remember? He's like one of us. //And I was like "No".//
F943 //[laugh]//
M944 "Gay guy?" "No". "Don't know." The only one I remember is her, me and [CENSORED: forename], and that's it. Which reminds me, I might be going to see her. //She's still with that retard boyfriend.//
F943 //[laugh]//
M944 That's not why I'm saying going to see, cause she //is still [inaudible] with her boyfriend.//
F943 //[laugh]// //[laugh]//
M944 //No. [laugh]// //she's//
F943 //Sure, sure.//
M944 no no no she's cool, ehm but her boyfriend's a real- eh, him and me, I thought we got on, //and I//
F943 //Mmhm//
M944 still think we do, we do get on, so I've no reason to think otherwise, but, he found it f- strange how we're just mates. He couldn't accept it, he's like "Oh, he's gonna be tryin to hit on you or something like that." And you know, cause I //she used to say [inaudible]//
F943 //Yeah, my boyfriend's like that// as well. "You can't live with boys. They're going to hit on you." And I was like "Er, I've seen these boys vomiting and being hungover. There's no way I want to go out with these boys."
M944 But that's what I'm talking about. It's like erm, okay me and [CENSORED: forename]'s easy, me, [CENSORED: forename], [CENSORED: forename] even, [CENSORED: forename], //anyone.//
F943 //Mmhm//
M944 But this guy couldn't understand it. So he got really uncomfortable. I think he told, th- [CENSORED: forename] he told once, or something about it. And erm I I didn't know. So. //I I didn't I didn't really want to go round.//
F943 //Lovely.// [laugh]
M944 Cause she used to phone and say "drop round" [inaudible]. Alright, after work, I'll finish. And he used to come home and he used to look at me and he just went, you know, //like, "What are you doing here?", kind of thing.//
F943 //Mmhm mmhm//
M944 But we used to chat away. You know when I fi- when I went up [laugh] one time, banged on the door, no-one came to the door, but I knew someone was in. Banged on the door again. Letterbox opened. And he's like that "Who is it?" Like that. And I looked up and I said "It's me". And then I fo-, he opened the door, and went "Oh, [CENSORED: forename], sorry." Debt collectors after him. So he's like totally thinking I was some kind of debt collector coming round his house. He's like squandered something like twelve thousand pound, or something like //that.//
F943 //Nice.//
M944 He's one of those people who are like, probably about nineteen years, aye, he's nineteen years old I think. He's one of those people that, they try to do the whole erm into like //rock bands//
F943 //Aw//
M944 kind of thing. "I'm a manager". Bands that he does get, there's no contract involved, nothing. He just, they just, be with them, he arranges a few spots for them to play. somebody hijacks them. Over and over and over again. [cough] Cause he doesn't realise that you need a certain amount of respect before you can enter //that industry.//
F943 //Yeah.//
M944 You can't just waltz in, and //say a-//
F943 //And be like "Eh, I'm here".//
M944 Yeah, and and look at my band. No-, you're not going to get any respect that //way.//
F943 //Na, you've// got to build up like
M944 Yeah, connections, //and th-//
F943 //Yeah.//
M944 this guy's not done that. So, he's totally wasting his money. He's got all these people after him, and we, me and [CENSORED: forename], always thought, why, how is it that, [inaudible]how is it that an intelligent girl can be with such an idiot? But I said to her, "But you've been with many idiots". //[laugh]//
F943 //[CENSORED: forename] has been with many an idiot.//
M944 Yeah, [CENSORED: forename] was with an idiot. Ehm, [CENSORED: forename] was with an //idiot.//
F943 //Aw, no// see cause the difference between [CENSORED: forename]'s idiots and [CENSORED: forename]'s idiots is that [CENSORED: forename]'s idiots tend to be like tot- these are the total retards. That's the definition right there. //People like//
M944 //[laugh]//
F943 mm [CENSORED: forename] an, what's his name? //He had//
M944 //[CENSORED: forename]?//
F943 gay hair.
M944 I don't I don't know I don't know anyone //before [CENSORED: forename].//
F943 //No, he was he was before [CENSORED: forename].//
M944 I'm //kind of pre-[CENSORED: forename].//
F943 //And [CENSORED: forename],// they were the they were the real retards, and [CENSORED: forename] went out with psychos an cruel, cruel, horrible men.
M944 Mmhm
F943 And just general pricks.
M944 I know, er the whole, yeah. There was two guys that she went out with, but the thing was, she made the mistake of, she was something like fourteen.
F943 Mmhm
M944 And the guy was like twenty-one.
F943 Yeah. //[laugh]//
M944 //There's something very sick there.// //So,//
F943 //Wondering why.//
M944 But that's what I'm talkin about, it's ehm, [exhale], it's er, wait a moment, what the hell was I talkin about? //[laugh]//
F943 //[laugh]// //It was.//
M944 //This was going somewhere before we went down this path.//
F943 It was. Erm [laugh] erm [clicks fingers] Clever girls goin out with stupid boys!
M944 [laugh] Brilliant. See,
F943 Thank you, //thank you.//
M944 //there you go.// There i- well, yeah, you're right. [CENSORED: forename]'s that guy. He was [inaudible], well it's not a clever thing to do, //to go out with a fourteen year old girl.//
F943 //No.//
M944 [laugh] //So,//
F943 //[tut] [inhale]//
M944 there you go.
F943 So he's stupid.
M944 No, there was another point I was makin //before that. You're meant to be keepin up.//
F943 //No, there wasn't any. You were makin-. You were talkin about// what's-her-chops. And
M944 What's-her-chops? //[laugh] Who the hell says "What's-her-chops"?//
F943 //[laugh]// //[laugh]//
M944 //[laugh]// //[laugh]//
F943 //I say it.//
M944 You Stirling bird! //[laugh]//
F943 //I've been in Stirling// for a month and a half. I'm not n- I'm not a Stirling bird yet. //I have a different accent when I'm in Stirling.//
M944 //[laugh]// //Really? How?//
F943 //Yeah,// I I live with like six girls from Ayrshire, //An I always//
M944 //Right.//
F943 pick up their accents, well I'm singin all the time when I'm speakin. They speak funny.
M944 Like how?
F943 They always sound really excited about everything they say, and they get really frightening when they're drunk.
M944 Like how? //[laugh]//
F943 //Like [laugh]// //like when they s-//
M944 //Talk, damn it!// //Talk. [laugh]//
F943 //[laugh] Like when they're talkin about like if// they're talkin about [CENSORED: forename]'s dressing bein- gown bein purple, they're "Her dressing-gown's purple!" And you'd just be like What? You know, kind of lean back in suspense //of what's goin on.//
M944 //People in Ayr don't talk like that.//
F943 They do! All the girls I live with do, an
M944 I knew one person from //Ayr, and he was a boring bastard.//
F943 //an one girl// one girl, like a ned on campus, was startin on one of the boys in our corridor, who's a bit weasly. An [CENSORED: forename] was drunk and she went in front of him and went "You listen up here!" "I'm gonna mash you if you come near him!" //It would sound stupid if anyone else said it, like "I'm going to mash you."//
M944 //What [laugh]// //[laugh] [sniff]//
F943 //She said it and this girl crapped herself and ran away.//
M944 Mash? //[laugh]//
F943 //"I'm gonna mash you."//
M944 [laugh] "I'm gonna bust your chops."
F943 [laugh]
M944 [laugh] //It's something that,//
F943 //[laugh]//
M944 you know, //an actor out of a forties film would say.//
F943 //a-a-a- another one// //Yeah, and another one of their favourite ones is erm "I'm gonna chip yer ma".//
M944 //But it's good.// "Chip"? You mean "chib"?
F943 No, they say "chip".
M944 You know what a "chib" is?
F943 Yes.
M944 Like
F943 Yes, //dear.//
M944 //[laugh]// //[laugh] I wanna make sure. You're from down the Borders.//
F943 //[laugh] Not, [laugh] not// not so young as not to know.
M944 Yeah?
F943 Mmhm
M944 So that, and, what was the other stupid thing?
F943 I can't remember. What were we talkin about?
M944 I don't know. It's re- we're running out of relevant, well, //irrelevant things to say.//
F943 //[laugh]// Well we did start off talking about bridges.
M944 Do you know what's so wrong? Do you know what? Do you know what it is?
F943 What?
M944 It could so be an experiment to see [laugh] what people talk about if they're, //no it wouldn't, not if they//
F943 //No, no, cause//
M944 if if their if their conversation was restricted, cause normally the stuff we talk about would be quite lurid. //There's a lot of swearing, a lot of [inaudible] there's a lot of, it's scandal,//
F943 //Yeah, and we're we're havin to be quite refined.//
M944 and stuff like that, and it involves people who we immediately know. Actually, mainly [CENSORED: forename].
F943 Mainly.
M944 Because that's been chopped, it's crap. //Because it//
F943 //It is.// Cause our conversation tends to be of the ehm
M944 Slaggin her, kind
F943 Yeah, slaggin off [CENSORED: forename], talkin random crap and bein a bit //[?]inebriated[/?].//
M944 //Offensive.//
F943 an offensive, you know, so
M944 We're actually being made to talk like old people.
F943 I know. It would what would be happenin if I was in a bomb shelter with you.
M944 No. //[laugh]//
F943 //[laugh]// //[laugh]//
M944 //[?]I knew that.[/?]// //[laugh]//
F943 //[laugh]// Civilised conversation.
M944 No, if we were in a bomb shelter together, it wouldn't be like this. //It would be nicer.//
F943 //On the on the// first night. [laugh]
M944 [laugh] Oh so as we got to know each other //better//
F943 //[laugh]// //Before I killed you. [laugh]//
M944 //things'll happen. [laugh]// //Arr [laugh] I'm getting annoyed at hitting your knee. It's obviously not having an effect.//
F943 //[laugh]// Why? Because you're not inflicting enough pain? //[laugh]//
M944 //[laugh] Yes.//
F943 [sniff] //[laugh]//
M944 //[laugh]// //[laugh]//
F943 //I'll just batter you.// I'm [CENSORED: forename]'s little sister. Of course I'll just //batter you.//
M944 //You can't; you'd// ruin her research, cause I'd scream for help, and she'd come running in.
F943 Oh oh no. We have done thirty-six minutes' worth.
M944 What?
F943 We've done thirty-six minutes' worth of talkin.
M944 You're absolutely talkin crap.
F943 We have talked for thirty-six minutes.
M944 But we just looked at it five minutes ago. //An it was an it was//
F943 //We didn't, we looked at it, we looked at it like// fifteen, twenty minutes ago.
M944 No, it was only, like, something like ten minutes that had passed.
F943 No that's when we were doin the Accurist //time bit.//
M944 //Mm?//
F943 And then we looked at it again and I counted a bit for a while, I think.
M944 See this is the weird thing. It felt like we were falling into that mode where we can just keep talking about //irrelevant stuff.//
F943 //Yeah.//
M944 But maybe it's called being stoned.
F943 [laugh] Maybe. //[laugh]//
M944 //[laugh]// And we will leave it at that.

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Conversation 31: Male from Glasgow and female from Scottish Borders. 2024. In The Scottish Corpus of Texts & Speech. Glasgow: University of Glasgow. Retrieved 21 May 2024, from

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Information about Document 1378

Conversation 31: Male from Glasgow and female from Scottish Borders


Audio audience

Adults (18+)
For gender Mixed
Audience size 2

Audio awareness & spontaneity

Speaker awareness Aware
Degree of spontaneity Spontaneous
Special circumstances surrounding speech Participants left unsupervised with no brief other than to talk naturally

Audio footage information

Year of recording 2005
Recording person id 810
Size (min) 36
Size (mb) 175

Audio setting

Recording venue Private house
Geographic location of speech Glasgow

Audio relationship between recorder/interviewer and speakers

Family members or other close relationship
Speakers knew each other Yes

Audio speaker relationships

Known via mutual acquaintance

Audio transcription information

Transcriber id 718
Year of transcription 2005
Year material recorded 2005
Word count 7307

Audio type



Participant details

Participant id 943
Gender Female
Decade of birth 1980
Educational attainment Highers/A-levels
Age left school 17
Occupation Student
Place of birth Edinburgh
Region of birth Midlothian
Birthplace CSD dialect area midLoth
Country of birth Scotland
Place of residence Selkirk
Region of residence Selkirk
Residence CSD dialect area Slk
Country of residence Scotland
Father's occupation IT Consultant
Father's place of birth Brighton
Father's country of birth England
Mother's occupation Fraud Investigator
Mother's place of birth Timmins
Mother's country of birth Canada


Language Speak Read Write Understand Circumstances
English Yes Yes Yes Yes All the time
Scots Yes Yes Yes Yes All the time
Spanish; Castilian Yes Yes Yes Yes In lectures


Participant details

Participant id 944
Gender Male
Decade of birth 1980
Educational attainment College
Age left school 16
Upbringing/religious beliefs Islam
Occupation Unemployed
Place of birth Keighley
Region of birth West Yorkshire
Country of birth England
Place of residence Glasgow
Region of residence Glasgow
Residence CSD dialect area Gsw
Country of residence Scotland
Father's occupation Shop owner
Father's country of birth Kashmir
Mother's occupation Unemployed
Mother's country of birth Kashmir


Language Speak Read Write Understand Circumstances
English Yes Yes Yes Yes Home/ work/ everywhere
Urdu Yes No No Yes